Resilience may not be as helpful as you think.
re·sil·ience NOUNResilience. “The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.”It sounds pretty good, right? The ability to bounce back into shape, recover quickly who doesn’t want to be a bit elastic?I have often used tenacious to describe myself but over the years many have tossed around this word resilient as one descriptor of me. At first, I thought, well yea, that’s pretty good right?Lately, I have been questioning that wisdom.Years ago I was in a self-improvement program called Phase I. It is a 29 day in a residency program at The Haven, a personal and professional development center, I was there to learn who I was and how I lived my life.One of the facilitators of that program was an amazingly intuitive woman named Joann. Joann had a huge impact on me during that month. I will never forget, day three. 20 plus participants sitting in a circle doing our morning check-in, saying whatever was up for us individually. Sitting directly across from Joann, I spoke up and said whatever it was I said, I honestly cannot recall what it was.An awakingI will never forget what happened next. Joann lifts her head up, looks me dead in the eye and says “do you do that often?” Me completely stumped, no idea what the hell she is saying. People did not often confront me in those days. I was a guarded person, tuff, so being questioned was not something I was expecting. I was completely caught off guard, starting to sweat, I kinda looked down at the rug and mumbled,“ do what?”The SettingNow, I have to explain a few things here, we were all sitting on the floor, Joann was in a chair because she had ailing health by that time. So a frail-looking older woman, who has thus far been pretty quiet, just watching the group. In that moment, I realized the powerhouse she actually was, ailing health and all! It was not her voice or even what she said, it was the presence of her so confidently stating the fact.
“Bullshit yourself”I kid you not this is what she said to me. I felt that woman’s power at that moment, I felt seen, even if it was terribly uncomfortable it was also what I needed to hear.Of course on the outside I recovered quickly, I bounced back to my tuff self the same day. The question is, was that helpful for me evolving as a human? I am not so sure, had I not bounced back so quickly I may have learned what I needed in that moment instead of years later.Further, into the course Joann explained something about elasticity and humans snapping back like a rubber band to the old wharf’s of our past pain and habits. As if we were on autopilot and had no choice.When I think about being resilient I think that while it has been helpful in terms of keeping me snug in my comfort zone, regardless of how uncomfortable that may be.A comfort zone is no place to stretch and grow as a human. Being able to recover quickly from difficulties can be useful. Toughness has its perks for sure but snapping back into my old shape will not help me move my life forward.While I appreciate my resilience I know for certain that it cannot be the “go-to” tool number one!Resilience is needed if you are looking to start your first online business. We are helping women do just that. Like our Facebook page and we will invite you to our group page for support. You can also find all kinds of helpful tutorials and brain hacks on our Youtube Channel.