For as long as I can recall Sunday has been a challenge for me. As a kid growing up in an unstable environment, few friends, bullied at school during the week I struggled with Sundays.
I struggled with the lack of family time as I perceived it should have been or I thought others lived. I was fearful of returning to school on Mondays, back to the bullies and feeling dumb and outa place.
Not all my Sundays have been bad, I often find ways to move with whatever negativity comes up for me. I have had great Sundays all on my own, electronic free!
This Sunday, in particular, I am sitting in Starbucks as I write. Movement, noise, and people around me stave off the loneliness. I don’t often feel alone, but Sunday is the day it can creep in.
I really love the life I have created, I have everything I need to keep me warm and safe from harm, I am blessed in many ways.
I have been single more than in relationships, all my relationships have been good with the exception of one and even that one I learned so much about myself and my survival mechanisms.
I have had some great Sundays in a relationship, I think in part due to some belief I carry that Sunday is for family. Sunday is for love, and connection, sex, and dinner! That, literally just popped out of my head, so yea, I have some beliefs about Sunday and its purpose in my world!
Work has always been what grounds me, where I feel the most solid, confident and worthy. Due to a lack of an intimate relationship, I have a lot of computer time on Sundays. I like to write this blog on Sundays, I like to go drink coffee in Starbucks on Sunday.
Now that I have gotten this far down trying to talk about Sunday I think what I am really saying is I want someone to share my Sundays with!
Here’s the issue, I love to work, I wish I had another word for it but I don’t and I love every minute of it! I don’t feel like it is of a particular strain on me to do what I do so I have no issues doing it every day. People who like to work out or hike or whatever would do that every day if they could right?
While that is completely true, it is also true that I want to travel more and have a significant other to do that with.
Which brings me to online dating….oi, well that’s a slog for sure! You put up a profile, swipe other profiles right and left, send a message or two, get a few. Then what? Well, you wait actually, because many want to chat endlessly. I really hate that part as it only serves to distract me from my work!
If you are lucky you may actually get someone to agree to meet you in person! If you are really lucky, they will show up! I personally have met very few people online dating and no one I wanted to see again…. In that way.
So I have made a few friends through online dating, which is cool as those are usually the ones way far away that I have gotten to know via phone and video calls. I will be glad of that when I start traveling and get to go see some of these amazing women in person!
On this particular Sunday, I have a date, a sushi date. I have no expectations, I put no weight on the universe to make it anything other than a conversation over sushi.
This is how I date these days, I have been single over a year now and have not really tried to meet anyone. I am so uber focused on my upcoming RV adventure that I spend very little time thinking about relationships.
Perhaps this is how it is meant to be, I feel myself surrendering into what is. What is, is that everything I am currently doing in my life is laser-focused on my longer goal.
RV travel for one full year. I have been working toward this for so long I think I am scared that I may actually do it…….
Perhaps today’s date is a distraction from the very nearness of a long-held goal
PS I think I have to move into my RV on a Sunday, make new rules about Sunday and what it should be.